This morning I said to a friend "yesterday I was happy for the first time in about 3 months."
2013 has been a rough year so far.
Work has been hectic. I am juggling three client assignments right now, and am used to only one. It's good for my career in the long-term, but in the short-term, it's been a struggle. I'm not used to struggling at work. I'm used to being a badass. I have learned a lot in the process...foremost of which is I prefer being a badass to struggling.
My health has been, shall we say, less than optimal. I've been to the doctor more so far this year than in the previous 5 years. Short version: I have two long-term health issues. One has been dealt with temporarily through a minor surgery. The surgery went fine, though I was very nervous about it. Waiting and getting my blood drawn were the hardest parts. Now, it's a wait and see game. The other issue I will be taking medication for the rest of my life. Always fun.
Personal life has been ... I don't have a good adjective here. My constant companions anxiety and depression have been seductively close to me for the past few months. Sometimes I can see through their masks to the liars underneath, but sometimes the bed with the black satin sheets just looks so inviting that I tumble in. And once I'm there, I don't really want to leave.
This is just more evidence that struggling sucks. File that under things-you-already-knew.
Anyhow, I've been thinking for a while that getting back to writing would be good for me. I don't know how funny or sarcastic I'll be. But I'll be me. Whichever me I am at the moment.
Good days have been hard to come by for me for about the last 5 years. Genuinely good days, I mean. Not just those where one or two things are slightly less horrible than usual.
ReplyDeleteAs you know, part of that was job induced shitty stressiness that had me completely at its mercy. Not that I'm suggesting it for you, but finally quitting my job and walking away from it was step one in getting back to what I occasionally think of as the 'normal' me.
It has taken me the better part of a year to even begin approaching what was once a good day. Even with certain things falling in place that I can generally consider to be good things, it isn't until recently that I've been able to string together more than one really good day in a row.
It's a tough fight back to normal, but I'm getting there. You've helped me do that, and I'd be more than happy to help you do the same.
I'm so glad to see you writing again. I miss reading you. That's not your burden, though. Black satin sheets are pretty amazing things but it does hide a lot of liars. That sucks. Life. Just sucks. I'll be here and reading and listening, even if you don't feel like you have anything to say...I'll listen to that too. I love you, but you know that already.
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