On Being a Grown Up

I'm in my mid thirties, and I can say with confidence that I do not feel like a grown up.

Yes, I am responsible.  Almost to a ridiculous degree at work and throughout much of my personal life.  But I'm not perfect.

For example, I missed a mortgage payment (cringe) because I could have SWORN I enrolled in auto-payments.  But I didn't.  One $30 late fee and wishful thinking no impact to my credit report, let's hope I learned my lesson.

My mother had me when she was 30, and my father was 33.  They already had an 8-year old.  I never once remember thinking "oh, they have no clue what they are doing."  And though my father has a very strong personality, I'm sure there were moments when even he didn't feel like an adult.  Possibly during our Friday night trips to Taco Bell and Winchell's Donuts.

I know that life is supposed to be challenging.  I just wish I didn't feel so much of the time that I wasn't up to the challenge.

I want to sell my house.  I really do.  Yet it's an unmitigated disaster, and I just couldn't care less about changing that.  I know it won't change unless I change it .... but I seem to act as though magic fairies are going to do that for me.

My cousin is 30 and unemployed.  He is looking for work, but really discouraged.  And he's my roommate.  And I don't know how to make his life easier.

One of my best friends' marriage is falling apart.  They are about to go to counselling, and I hope it works out.  But I don't know how to make her life easier.

Someone I love is in the hospital, recovering from a serious illness.  And I don't know how to make his life easier.

... I don't know how to make anyone's life easier, let alone my own.

I feel like I'm supposed to have all my shit together.  And instead it feels like the world is falling apart beneath me.

I really thought that by the time I reached this point in my life, I would have a handle on things.  And granted, I do in some areas of life.  But sometimes I think that those are the areas of life I care least about.  Will I really look back in 50 years and think I should have spent more time at work?  Probably not.  Though spending more time at work now may help me have those thoughts from a beach-front home.

Hot for Tesla

Obligatory yeah I haven't posted in a while and really thought I might never post again but what the hell let's do this comment.


I have the hots for Tesla.  Not the band or the inventor (though he's pretty cool), but the car company.

Hello, Lover

America has generated some boutique car manufacturers over the years, but it's been many decades since a fully-fledged automobile company has successfully started here.  That's where Tesla comes in.

Firstly, I think Elon Musk is one of the brightest people living today.  Made a fortune in Silicon Valley, decided to start a car company and a commercial space transport company.  What's not to like here?

But back to the cars ... this is quite simply proof that electric cars can be sexy.  This, people, is how you get consumers to want to buy electric cars.  Sex them up.  I mean, who wouldn't want that in their driveway? 

Yeah, they have limited ranges (a few hundred miles per charge) and are a bit pricy ($100k) ... but they are taking the car industry by storm.  And if you have that kind of money to spend on a car, you likely have enough to afford two cars -- making the Tesla great for in-city driving, while still having another vehicle for long trips.

Plus, Tesla is building a solar-powered charging station network across the US -- which Musk pointed out would mean the cars would still work in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  

If I had $100,000 to spend on a car, this is the point at which I'd say "shut up and take my money."  But I don't.  So instead I will look at pictures and drool.

"Literary" Musings - Rated R

So, remember when I posted about 50 Shades of Grey and the resulting media firestorm and really people should be allowed to read whatever they want (with possible exceptions of how to build bombs or similarly national-safety-threatening items)?

Well, since then I've continued my trend of eclectic reading material.  Some I will openly proclaim.  I like all of Patricia Briggs "traditional" fantasy -- haven't read any of her urban fantasy.  And I will be forever grateful for eBooks for making it feasible (read: cheap) for authors to re-emerge, such as PC Hodgell, whom I have very much enjoyed.  Nevermind that both authors write very strong female heroines ... whose cleavage is prominently displayed on the covers.  Frown.

The Patricia Briggs novels that I have read have all involved romance, mostly in a PG or PG-13 sort of way.

The PC Hodgell novels about the Kencyrath have definitely been more PG except for one thing.  The heroine's love interest is her brother.  (There's a bit more to it, but nothing changes the fact that he's her brother.)


Now, in this world and culture that Hodgell has created, this is acceptable by society.  In fact, given the strength of their bloodline, it is both desirable and expected by some.

However, in our current society, this is beyond a faux pas and into criminal territory -- as in, you can't marry someone closer to you than a 2nd cousin (based on a 5 second Google search).

I find it interesting that I like this author and this character enough that I am rooting for this romance, despite my occasional head tilt. 


In somewhat related news, I still read some things that I can only call crap -- primarily romance novels.  (Note -- I'm not saying all romance novels are crap.  But many are.)

Since 50 Shades came out, a lot of authors who tend toward the steamier / more explicit side of romance have definitely hopped on the bandwagon.  No blame here -- a capitalist society typically generates such reactions.

My qualm is this.

50 Shades is an explicit romance about a monogamous relationship that involves BDSM.  And I don't have an issue with that.   

My issue is that I've read some books that seem to me to be a game of one-ups-manship -- who can be the most daring, in hope of attracting the most readers.  

• Oh you had a scene with bondage, so I'm going to have a scene with spanking.
• I see your bondage and spanking, and raise you a threesome.
• ...And so forth with the escalations (I'm trying not to be too graphic here)

One particular author that I've read (because Amazon recommended her to me, based on previous purchases ... sometimes it's like you either don't know me, Amazon, or you don't know what you're recommending...) crossed my personal boundary by inviting other people into the room.

More explicit explanation in smaller font for those who choose to skip over it:

Though there are a few scenes in different books, and all at least begin with consent from the woman, the example I'm thinking of involves a woman being nude when her partner's business associates come up to a hotel suite for a meeting.  She is bound before them, and things escalate to a point where she no longer is willing to participate, and things get out of hand.  No actual rape occurs, but video of the incident later surfaces, and the male partner involved is upset because he had only started this to prove to himself that he didn't have an emotional attachment to the woman.

When reading this novel, for the first time ever I threw my Kindle across the room in disgust.  (Luckily I throw like a girl, and it just ended up at the end of the bed.)

What I am saying is that in no way did this behavior appeal to me.  I did not find it in any way romantic.  I did not and do not have any sort of fantasy about this behavior. 

My intention here is not to judge anyone.  I have always believed that what goes on between *consenting* adults is their business -- so long as no one is harmed.  If this is someone else's cup of tea, more power to them.

As for me, it felt more like being at a steakhouse as a vegetarian.

What I find demoralizing here is that so very many of these books seem to be about women relinquishing control to a man.  Very few are about women taking control.  Based on that, I assume that the submissive-women-plots sell more and are more popular.

I just wonder what implications that has for our society.

I also wonder what it says about me, that I am more on-board with an incestuous romance in a fantasy world, than a submissive romance in the real world.

Marrying Down

The husband of a good friend told her that he had "married down" as part of an argument/discussion/conversation that I won't go into.

This upsets me on many levels, and since I am trying my damnedest to butt out of a relationship of which I am not a member, I will be venting now.

First, this woman is my friend.  No, she is not perfect.  She has flaws.  We all do.  But she has been my friend for years, and I am loyal to her.  Therefore, when someone says anything that hurts her deliberately - which I can only assume this comment was intended to do - I get what you might call "furious."  (You do not want to upset my mama bear instincts, people.  It becomes ouch-time for you.)

I had to restrain myself from texting her husband to tell him "look, jackass, you don't get to talk to my friend that way."  But I did.  Restrain myself.  Because I am a grown-up, and I realize that what goes on in the privacy of their relationship is none of my business.  Even though I don't like it that my friend was hurt, it is not my place to confront her husband about it.  It is hers.

Second, and I say this as someone who has never been married, I simply can't imagine ever telling my spouse that I "married down."  Presumably, you get married because you love each other.  Presumably, if you love each other, you think the world of one another.  I'm not saying this means you don't recognize that neither of you is perfect -- again, we all have flaws.  But you both agreed to commit to one another enough to be married, so you agreed to accept each others' flaws. 

I can understand perhaps having a conversation with a spouse in a supportive way -- something along the lines of "I think you're great - you have so much potential - what can I do to help you fulfill your ambitions."  Perhaps even a more assertive "Let's talk about short-term goals for our family -- I was thinking this -- and that might mean some changes.  What do you think?"  type of conversation. 

As a single person, I can't say I've really ever been in a position to have these conversations.

But I just simply can't imagine what amounts to saying "You know, I'm way better than you" to someone I love enough to be married to.

I've been upset about this for hours.  Hopefully by blogging about it, I can put those feelings down.

 

Sleeves

I am wearing a sleeveless dress today at work.

Why is this post-worthy?  Because I have never, ever done it before.

Almost everyone is self-conscious about some part of their body.  I tend toward this more than the average person.

I think my arms are ugly.  They are jiggly and piggly and wiggly and other iggly-adjectives.

But as my sister said (of herself) -- it's not like someone looking at me can't see that my arms are fat, even if I have sleeves on.  So I might as well wear what I want.


Today, I'm giving it a try. 

I've got a cute dress on.  It doesn't have sleeves.  And I'm not wearing a cardigan over it. 

I'm not entirely comfortable, but I'm working on it. 

And no one has stared and pointed / laughed.   

Damn you, Candy Crush

I've never done illegal drugs of any variety. 

But my guess is that Candy Crush Saga is as addictive as heroin.

Damn this little girl and her sweet tooth

Candy Crush Saga is a free game available on Facebook or iTunes and probably other places but I really don't need to know about more places to play this game, alright?  After a certain point, you can pay $0.99 to unlock more levels, or you can ask Facebook friends to help you, or you can do "quests" -- basically go back to previous levels and succeed with more challenging goals -- to unlock them.

Mechanically, it's very similar to Bejeweled.  Multiple colored items (candy / jewels) in a grid -- switch two adjacent items to form a color match of at least 3.  Special results if matching 4 or 5 items. 

Candy Crush Saga takes it one further in that it adds obstacles to the grid every 10 levels or so.  First rocks, then "jelly" squares that you have to clear, then evil-evil-evil chocolate that spreads and takes over other cells, removing items and limiting possible matches.

The game (at least the free version) only gives you 1 "life" every 30 minutes, with a max of 5 lives.  So if you are stuck on a level, you may expend all your lives, then have to wait at least 30 minutes to give it another go, or wait another 2 and a half hours to have a full 5 lives to expend on it and keep dying keep dying keep dying damn you chocolate for spreading if I'd only had a purple man I only had one square left to clear of that stupid jelly ....

Sorry, PTSD moment. 

To clear a level, you not only have to meet the objective -- these can be "clear all jelly squares" or "get 10,000 points in 60 seconds" or "drop all ingredients to the bottom of the grid" -- before your time or number of moves run out.  But you also must generate enough points to meet the minimum threshold for the level.  So the greatest indignity is "Yes!  I cleared the level on the last move!  Wait ... no no no ... I am 100 points short?!?  Oh the humanity!"

In short, I am addicted, and I might need help.  After I finally beat this one level.

Things I have yelled at the TV during Game of Thrones

Spoiler Warning.  Turn back before it's too late. 

Much as I deplore it in others, I talk back to the television. 

I try very hard not to do it when others are also watching, but sometimes I can't help myself.  It is a compulsion, and I always have a hard time ignoring those. 

We are one week away from the Season 3 finale of Game of Thrones.  Having read the books, I find myself yelling at the screen quite a bit during this show.  Most frequently "That's not what happened in the book!" -- though usually in surprise, not anger.  Like the HBO show exists only to fulfill my expectations.  (Completely rational thought, I'm sure.)

Now that I've taken up enough space on the screen to avoid feeling guilt if someone doesn't want to see spoilers, here are some things I have actually yelled at the tv during Game of Thrones over the past 3 years.

• Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark.
• Ouch, that's not gonna grow back.
• Holy <insert expletive of choice>!
• S/He totally had that coming!
• Melisandre, you do NOT get to sleep with Gendry!
• Oh Theon, you poor, stupid fool.
• Joffrey, I can not WAIT until you die horribly (at mumble spoilers mumble)!
• Don't F--k with Arya!    (mass effect 2 reference)
• Damn Lannisters!
• Whoa, those dragons sure do grow fast!
• Khaleesi, stop jerking sir Jorah around!
• Stupid Sansa -- grow a pair!
• Don't mess with Tyrion!
• Ewwwww!
• I love Jaqen!
• Arya, just stop and marry Gendry, okay?
• Oh Littlefinger, you clever jerk-face!

But the word I most often yell is NOOOOO!

Even though I know what's coming -- for the most part, since there have been small tweaks from novel to screen -- I still resist some paths on the journey of the story.  I find this amusing in some ways, like I should know better.  But perhaps it is part of human nature, some sort of feeling that even as a passive observer of a fictional universe, I should be able to affect the outcomes of events.

Yeah, I know.  I'm full of crap. :)

Yesterday I was happy

This morning I said to a friend "yesterday I was happy for the first time in about 3 months." 

2013 has been a rough year so far.

Work has been hectic.  I am juggling three client assignments right now, and am used to only one.  It's good for my career in the long-term, but in the short-term, it's been a struggle.  I'm not used to struggling at work.  I'm used to being a badass.  I have learned a lot in the process...foremost of which is I prefer being a badass to struggling.

My health has been, shall we say, less than optimal.  I've been to the doctor more so far this year than in the previous 5 years.  Short version: I have two long-term health issues.  One has been dealt with temporarily through a minor surgery.  The surgery went fine, though I was very nervous about it.  Waiting and getting my blood drawn were the hardest parts.  Now, it's a wait and see game.  The other issue I will be taking medication for the rest of my life.  Always fun.

Personal life has been ... I don't have a good adjective here.  My constant companions anxiety and depression have been seductively close to me for the past few months.  Sometimes I can see through their masks to the liars underneath, but sometimes the bed with the black satin sheets just looks so inviting that I tumble in.  And once I'm there, I don't really want to leave.  

This is just more evidence that struggling sucks.  File that under things-you-already-knew.

Anyhow, I've been thinking for a while that getting back to writing would be good for me.  I don't know how funny or sarcastic I'll be.  But I'll be me.  Whichever me I am at the moment.

Gen Con 2012

Gen Con.  The Best Four Days in Gaming.  They ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie.  J

So here is my perfunctory Gen Con post. 

Day 0 (Wednesday):

Woke up entirely too early to catch my flight.  Slept on the plane.  Arrived in Indy and took a limo to the hotel.  (They really aren’t that much more than a cab from the airport).  Ate some lunch.  Unpacked.  Gave a small tour of the area to my friend who had never been to Gen Con before.  Got my badge and tickets.  Helped my other friends set up their booth.  Waited a long time to get seated for dinner at Weber Grill, but the yummy food was yummy and we had a big group.  Went to sleep.

Day 1 (Thursday): 

Got up early to line up for early VIG access to the Dealer Hall.  Went straight to Three Geeks and aNeedle, where I bought a Tardis bag similar to the one shown below.  My most expensive purchase of the trip, and I love every fiber.  Walked around for about 20 minutes before leaving to go to my 10am game of Cthulhutech.  Still love that system, and I will run a game in it someday.  Went to an okay seminar on “Better Adventures” which mostly was stuff I knew already.  Sat down for a bit in the VIG lounge.  Went to my 4pm Game of Thrones game, which was a short adventure to familiarize one with the system.  I had never played GoT before, and I did like the system.  But really I think it was more my (and the other players’ and GM’s) enthusiasm for the series of books and shows that made me want to play.  I could see setting a campaign in that world without necessarily using that system.  Got some dinner.

It's not actually bigger on the inside.

Then enter Fiasco game #1, using the Gangster London playset at Games on Demand.  First of all, our organizer/pseudo-GM Travis was most excellent.  Second of all, we had a complete blast.  I laughed more in that 2 -2.5 hours than at any other point I’ve ever gamed, period.  Third, all of the players were first-timers who really put their all into it.  Fourth, the creator Jason Morningstar was running a game at the next table, and I still felt like our table was the best place to be – that’s saying something!  It was a blast – and as you will see I played it a bit more over the weekend. 

Afterward, I tried out some Sentinels of the Multiverse card game, which is basically comic book heroes brought to life.  It was fun, but I was tired and left about halfway through the game.

Day 2 (Friday):

Woke up and took my turn working the ENnies booth.  I think most of the traffic that came by stopped because there were two non-intimidating women at the booth who seemed friendly, but there were a couple of people genuinely interested in the nominees.  Then I played some Eclipse Phase, another system I adore.  I will run that someday too.  Afterward I went to a seminar about novel writing, which had valuable information about setting up your novel, but wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be.  Still good though.  And then it was getting ready and going to the ENnies.  It was a lot more fun after the judges’ announced their spotlight awards, because up to that point I was nervous.  Afterward, I went and played some Cards Against Humanity with a friend & his friends, then off to sleep.  Also, this was the day the Star Wars RPG was announced, and one of my friends snagged me a copy (yay!).

Day 3 (Saturday):

Woke up and spent an hour in the dealer hall before playing Giant Seafarers of Catan, during which I may have stood in line to meet Wil Wheaton.  I hadn’t ever played seafarers, and I did a bad job of selecting locations appropriately.  However, I love Catan even when I’m losing badly, so it was fun.  And the details of the Giant Tiles was great.  Then I had some lunch, talked to some friends, and went to the ENnies judges panel, which had essentially no attendees.  It was the first year to try it, and I don’t anticipate that it will ever be held again.  However, it was a nice time to chat with the other judges and gain a sense of closure on judging.  Afterward, I took a nap and then woke up to eat some dinner and then go to True Dungeon, which was awesome.  The draco-lich at the end looked like the cover of the Neverwinter Nights campaign book come to life – and the new location inside the ICC was really atmospheric.  Then played game #2 of Fiasco with friends, using the Vegas playset.  It was a late night!

Day 4 (Sunday):

Slept in.  Packed up, checked out of hotel.  Went to Games on Demand.  Thought about playing Hollowpoint, but ended up playing game #3 of Fiasco, using “At Regina’s Wedding” playset.  The first game was still the best, but I had fun all three times.  Afterward, spent a bit more time in the dealer hall, made a couple of purchases (fate dice, Dragon Age Set 1, an Eclipse Phase dice bag, and some normal dice – nothing too crazy or spendy).  Then it was lunch/dinner at the Ram – yum – and then off to catch the plane home.

I spent most of Monday asleep, which was lovely. And now back to reality.  :(

Ennies judge, part 4 (finale)

My responsibilities for the 2012 ENnies have concluded.  The ceremony happened on Friday, 8/17.  Congratulations to ALL the winners – you can find the complete list here:  2012 ENnie award winners

Being a part of this process was very rewarding, to say the least.  Attending the ceremony as a judge felt great.  I was genuinely thrilled for all the winners, and not knowing which products won before-hand made for a very exciting evening.

Among the winners, I was probably *most* excited for Gaming As Women,Masks: 1,000 Memorable NPCs for Any Roleplaying Game, and Stealing Cthulhu.  Gaming as Women is a blog written by a collection of women about their experiences, good and bad, in the gamer community.  Though I can’t relate to everything they post, I am happy in the knowledge that there is a place to discuss any issues openly and honestly.  Masks is a product I will be using for the rest of my gaming career.  It is full of rich NPCs that would add depth to any encounter, session or campaign in any system.  And Stealing Cthulhu provides new ways to incorporate Cthulhu into your campaigns.  They are all worthy of their wins. 

Now, to highlight a few other products.

As a judge, I was given the privilege of awarding a Judge’s Spotlight ENnie award.  My choice is Edge by Outrider Studios:  http://www.edgerpg.com/. 

 

[gush/]  I absolutely, positively love the world that was created for Edge.  There are beings with preternatural powers that humans call “angels” and “demons,” though they are not exactly as we think of them here on Earth.  These angels and demons exert power and influence over humans, and they are diametrically opposed to one another – and compelled to destroy their counterparts.  This leads to conflict, and occasionally full-scale war.  There are Edgemasters, who are magically powerful warriors, Dreamweavers, who are able to bring ideas to life, and Chosen, who are soldiers bound to Angels or Demons.  The game uses the Rapidfire system, which encourages quick combat and more roleplaying. 

On another level, as much as I love-love-love this game, I want to point out that it treats women very well.  What do I mean by that?  Looking through the book, there is very little exploitative art (ie, women are fully clothed, and there is little cleavage to be found).  There are two badass characters in the historical timeline, Rowan (a man) and Camille (a woman).  It is a welcome change. 

I can’t wait to get this on the table.  You can purchase Edge here:  http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product/93185/Edge-Role-Playing-Game.

And if you prefer Sci-Fi to fantasy, I would recommend taking a look at Remnants, also by Outrider studio. http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product/93184/Remnants-Role-Playing-Game  [/gush]

There are also some products that I would have loved to have seen nominated but didn’t quite make the cut (there was some fierce competition!).

The Faerie Ring:  Red Jack – this is a very clever little supplement for Pathfinder.  It is the second installment of six in Along the Twisting Way, and provides a rich backstory for an adversary that could pop up in any campaign.  I will be searching out the other five installments.  http://zombieskypress.com/pathfinder/the-faerie-ring-red-jack/

Assassin’s Amulet – another fantastic supplement for Pathfinder.  This is an incredibly rich source of information about assassins that could be incorporated into any campaign.  And there is a free sample available online:  http://www.rpgnow.com/product/96557/Assassin%27s-Amulet---Free-Sample.  It’s worth your time!

All in all, I was very excited for all the nominees, and happy for the winners as well.  Though I may have my personal preferences, I felt very proud at the ENnies ceremony about the high standard of quality in roleplaying games over the last year.  Can’t wait to see what next year holds!

Ennies judge, part 3

Nominees have been announced!  So now I can talk freely without breaking any rules, right?

Well, to some degree, yes.  I’m not going to disclose information about an individual judge’s likes or dislikes.  (At GenCon, there is a Ennies Judge Panel – feel free to come out and ask us all pointed questions there!)

Now that the judging portion of the program is done, where do the Ennies stand?  Well, judges have selected the nominees for the Ennies.  However, the public (you!) actually decides who the winners are.  Everyone gets to vote among the nominees – so the judges are just as curious about who will win as the rest of the gaming public!  (Voting starts this Friday, July 20).

First off, let me address some of the commentary I’ve seen on the nominations.

I am quite pleased with the nominations.  The final list reflects the collaborative process that the judges went through – no individual judge had all of these nominated products on his or her list.  But, all of us are satisfied with the list on the whole.  Would I change anything on the list of nominees?  Yes, there are a couple of changes I personally would make to the list, but that is due to my taste.  The reason there is a judging panel is so that the nominees represent a spectrum of gamers’ opinions, rather than anyone’s individual taste.

There has been some drama around the Best Free Product nominations, with some individuals feeling that the list of nominees is questionable.  Specifically, the complaint I’ve seen is that most of the nominees are not games in and of themselves, but rather products that require additional purchases to use.  (For example – We Be Goblins! is a free Pathfinder module, but it benefits from having the Pathfinder core rule book, which is not free.)  The judges were evaluating quality of work – not what sort of product was submitted.  I think this variation in product is what creates gamer frustration.  “Why didn’t my game get nominated, when it’s a full game, and you nominated something that is just an adventure” questions inevitably lead to the not-so-popular answer:  because collectively the judges felt the 12 page adventure was of higher quality.  Not comforting, but there you have it. 

Another interesting point I’ve seen floating around the web is that “the judges are clearly fans of <insert publisher / system here>.”  Nope.  In fact, without going into detail, the five judges have somewhat different gaming palates.  For myself, I will say that I tend to be more interested in “fluff” – that is, setting or characterizations or things related to role-playing.  A couple of the other judges are more interested in rules or “crunch,” and then the other two I would characterize as hybrids – interested in both.  As for systems, we each have systems we like, and systems we don’t particularly care for.  But none of that was as important as the quality of individual products.  Pelgrane Press, Wizards of the Coast and Paizo products received the most nominations because we respected the quality of their products.  The quality of the work speaks for itself, regardless of the system.

Overall, my response to all of these sorts of questions has been and will continue to be -- run for Ennies judge yourself!  Obviously you’re passionate about gaming.  If you don’t agree with the nominations, the only way to change them is to participate in the process!  It’s not the reason I myself ran for judge, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be yours.

Also, I’m sure we will discuss all this and more at the Ennies Judging Panel at GenCon, Saturday afternoon at 2pm.  judges panel info

Moving on…

Though I heartily congratulate all nominees, I would like to highlight a couple of particular products that were nominated.  (After the Ennies awards, I plan to do this with a couple of products that were not nominated, but I can’t go giving away my judge’s pick just yet!)  All comments below are simply my opinions, and not meant to detract from the worthiness of other nominees.

Dragon Age: Set 2

·         Nomination:  Best Interior Art

·         http://www.greenronin.com/store/product/grr2804.html

This is a supplement to the Dragon Age RPG.  It is a dark fantasy setting, and if you enjoy the Dragon Age video games, then you will most likely enjoy the RPG.  This supplement did a great job at re-invigorating the fan base of the Dragon Age RPG after the lackluster fan-reception for the Dragon Age II video game (which I happened to enjoy).

Panopticon (Eclipse Phase)

·         Nomination:  Best Writing

·         http://www.eclipsephase.com/releases/panopticon

This is a supplement for Eclipse Phase.  The Eclipse Phase team consistently produces some of the most well-written books in the RPG industry.  The hard-core Sci-Fi setting may not be everyone’s cup of tea (I’m looking at you, fantasy fans), but if you want to be inspired by high quality work, look no further.  (Plus, the pdf is only $10!)

Lorefinder (GUMSHOE/Pathfinder mash-up)

·         Nomination:  Best Rules

·         http://www.pelgranepress.com/?p=6422

Want some more sleuthing in your fantasy campaign?  This book has you covered.  A well-designed way to add some spice to a Pathfinder campaign – or a way to set a mystery in a fantasy world – this is a clever combination that should serve GMs and players well.

Invasive Procedures  (Trail of Cthulhu or Fear Itself GUMSHOE)

·         Nomination:  Best Adventure

·         http://www.pelgranepress.com/?p=4692

This adventure scared me.  I have not done much horror role-playing, but this adventure was one of the handful I wished I had played before reading, so that I could experience that fear as a player.  Maybe one day I’ll run it for others.  Definitely creep-tastic.

There are approximately 100 Ennie nominations – see the full list here: list of 2012 ennie nominees.

And don’t forget to vote – voting starts on Friday, July 20 and runs to Sunday, July 29.  The Ennies ceremony will be held on Friday, August 17 at GenCon!

Ennies judge, part 2

Have you ever been a part of a book club?  Where you read a book, and then meet to discuss the book?  Maybe one book a month?  Or remember in college or high school when your entire class read a book, and then would discuss in class what you thought of the book and so forth?

Well, judging for the Ennies is not quite like that.

First, the scale is such that there is no way we could discuss every single submission in detail.  We received 366 submissions – most of which were books that arrived at my doorstep and probably made my mail carrier and UPS driver cry a lot.  There were a lot of e-submissions as well, which arrived in PDF format (searchable – yay!).  And then there were podcasts to download, websites to peruse, and the occasional piece of software.

Second, the judges for the Ennies do not meet like you would with a book club or a class.  I have yet to meet any of the others in person, for one thing.  For another, the vast majority of our year was spent in solitary efforts to read and form opinions about submissions.  It was punctuated with the occasional email with questions or comments.  But 95% of the effort involved is individual and self-motivated.

The Ennies organizers let the judges be – aside from answering the occasional question or helping with problems – to maintain the independence of the judges.  We had an agreed-upon deadline to provide our list of nominations to them, but they in no way stepped in to shape our opinions.

So what does all of this mean?  It means the vast majority of my judging duties was sitting in a quiet place, reading reading reading.  I would use my lunch hours at work to read.  I would read on the weekends.  Not every day, but in May and June pretty darn close to it. 

We kept a spreadsheet where each judge could note his or her personal candidates for nomination in each category.  I changed mine frequently, as I read more things.  I would revisit items another judge ranked highly but I hadn’t cared for particularly.  It was an ever shifting process.

Occasionally, I would have to remind myself that the Ennies were not about what my “favorite” products were, but what the “best” products were.  It didn’t happen too often, but there are still a couple of products that I loved that didn’t make the cut for other judges.  And that’s okay.

So … after lots of preparation and re-evaluation, the actual judging process went fairly smoothly.  It consisted of the judges in a Google Hangout, looking over the list of items each judge would put forward for nomination.  There were many products that overlapped between judges, and that made selection easy.  But once past those initial items, we would essentially debate amongst ourselves – very respectfully and politely I might add – what deserved to be nominated.  It took a few hours, and then after further consideration in the following days we changed two of the 100ish nominations.  It sounds simple because it was simple.  There were some categories where a judge or two would have very strong opinions, and then other judges had strong opinions in other categories.  It worked out because we were all prepared, we listened to each other, and we kept emotions out of it for the most part.

That in and of itself was a revelation to me.  I had been anxious about the judging process because I didn’t know the other judges (you can’t read tone into emails), and I didn’t know how being the only girl on the panel would go.  What I learned was that the judging process in and of itself was all about building consensus.  It was almost like a group of five people mediating themselves.  I will give you a (fake) example.  Say, judges 1-3 really liked Book Lasagna, but judges 4-5 really liked Book Enchiladas.  Well, perhaps the negotiated result of that conflict would be nominating Book Lasagna in this particular category, but recognizing that Book Enchiladas was also a quality product by putting it on the short list for nominee discussion in a different category that would be discussed a bit later.  It worked out rather well.

So after a few hours, we had a list of nominations.  We slept on it, and further refined a couple of nominations, but all in all we are very satisfied with our decisions. 

Ennies nominations will be announced July 13, after which I will give you some details to chew on (though not gossipy who-liked-what stuff – just my opinions or products I want to highlight).

Ennies judge, part 1

This year, I had the unique opportunity to judge for the Ennies.  What are the Ennies?  Well, short-version, they are awards to Role-Playing Game related products that are given annually at Gen Con. 

Anyone can run to be a judge, and judges are elected for one year by the same fans voting on the awards.  The judges’ job is then to read / view all entries and select the nominations for the Ennies.  Those nominations are then put to fan vote, which decides the winners.

So, long story short (too late), I have had over 300 books/websites/podcasts/etc to read and evaluate since Gen Con of last year.  The vast majority of submissions were received in April and May, so I’ve been a bit busy!

Though at times I felt overwhelmed by this process (and had the resultant whining to my friends), overall it has been very gratifying.  I wanted to share some things with you, and also document them for myself.

So why did I get involved in judging?

First, my main goal in this process was to learn more about Role Playing Games.  I play and enjoy them.  I like GMing.  But I don’t have a breadth of knowledge about the games available.  Most of my experience has been with systems that my friends know and enjoy playing.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  But I like to learn, and I wanted to educate myself about other systems and basically come to a more holistic understanding and appreciation for the industry.

Second, I really enjoy reading.  I wanted to see what inspired me about different worlds and settings.  I wanted to learn more about myself through discovering what I gravitated to.  I hoped to spark creative thinking within myself by taking this journey.

Third, I am a girl (duh) in a hobby that is male-dominated.  Now, I am not male-bashing.  But there are a couple of underlying issues here. 

One, the RPG community tends to be viewed by “outsiders” as a bunch of nerds without social skills being dorks together.  While some of that is true (I’m a nerd and a dork), there is more to the community – and role-playing – than awkward people trying to have a good time.  [Aside --The couple who introduced me to role-playing consist of a brilliant, beautiful woman and perhaps the most socially adept man I’ve ever known.  Hard to beat that for non-stereotypical.]   So, being a woman in this hobby, I was hoping that by being a female judge I could draw attention to some products that might be more female-friendly so to speak.  Did I succeed?  Who knows.  But it was a thought in my head.

Two, when I applied to be a judge candidate, there were zero other females who had done so.  None.  But about 15 guys had applied.  Now, a couple of other women applied before the end, but it really pushed my buttons at the time.  I had hesitated about applying, knowing how much work would be involved – and how seriously I take my commitments.  But this basically pushed me over the edge from “thinking about it” to “okay, do it.”   Does that mean I was the token girl on the judges panel?  Probably.  But I will take that and run with it.

So this documents why I decided to apply.  And low and behold, I got elected!  (And totally yelled “Holy Crap” in a restaurant full of people in Indianapolis when I found out.)

To be continued with a post about judging itself, and then eventually discussion of the nominees (which will be announced July 13).

Tyrion, oh my

I think Peter Dinklage is a very attractive man.     

The hard copy of this edition of Rolling Stone is sitting on my desk right now, looking at me.

          

Yes, he is a little person – which I believe/hope is the politically correct term. 

At first I wondered if this made me weird or something, but after discussing HBO’s Game of Thrones ad naseum in the office, I realized I am not alone.

Most women in fact find him very handsome.

He is happily married to a normal-sized woman, and they have a daughter.

(If I said I wasn’t jealous, I’d be lying.)

In pondering this ever-so-important topic, I thought of something I'd heard at least 10 if not 20 years ago.  IIRC, An Asian actress was discussing race in Hollywood, and she said "I am just waiting for there to be a male Asian sex symbol."  I believe it predated Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon's release -- which probably made whichever actress very happy.

So, having a little person viewed as a sex symbol by many Americans - does this mean something good about people having open minds?  

That would be a good thing.