Marrying Down

The husband of a good friend told her that he had "married down" as part of an argument/discussion/conversation that I won't go into.

This upsets me on many levels, and since I am trying my damnedest to butt out of a relationship of which I am not a member, I will be venting now.

First, this woman is my friend.  No, she is not perfect.  She has flaws.  We all do.  But she has been my friend for years, and I am loyal to her.  Therefore, when someone says anything that hurts her deliberately - which I can only assume this comment was intended to do - I get what you might call "furious."  (You do not want to upset my mama bear instincts, people.  It becomes ouch-time for you.)

I had to restrain myself from texting her husband to tell him "look, jackass, you don't get to talk to my friend that way."  But I did.  Restrain myself.  Because I am a grown-up, and I realize that what goes on in the privacy of their relationship is none of my business.  Even though I don't like it that my friend was hurt, it is not my place to confront her husband about it.  It is hers.

Second, and I say this as someone who has never been married, I simply can't imagine ever telling my spouse that I "married down."  Presumably, you get married because you love each other.  Presumably, if you love each other, you think the world of one another.  I'm not saying this means you don't recognize that neither of you is perfect -- again, we all have flaws.  But you both agreed to commit to one another enough to be married, so you agreed to accept each others' flaws. 

I can understand perhaps having a conversation with a spouse in a supportive way -- something along the lines of "I think you're great - you have so much potential - what can I do to help you fulfill your ambitions."  Perhaps even a more assertive "Let's talk about short-term goals for our family -- I was thinking this -- and that might mean some changes.  What do you think?"  type of conversation. 

As a single person, I can't say I've really ever been in a position to have these conversations.

But I just simply can't imagine what amounts to saying "You know, I'm way better than you" to someone I love enough to be married to.

I've been upset about this for hours.  Hopefully by blogging about it, I can put those feelings down.

 

Sleeves

I am wearing a sleeveless dress today at work.

Why is this post-worthy?  Because I have never, ever done it before.

Almost everyone is self-conscious about some part of their body.  I tend toward this more than the average person.

I think my arms are ugly.  They are jiggly and piggly and wiggly and other iggly-adjectives.

But as my sister said (of herself) -- it's not like someone looking at me can't see that my arms are fat, even if I have sleeves on.  So I might as well wear what I want.


Today, I'm giving it a try. 

I've got a cute dress on.  It doesn't have sleeves.  And I'm not wearing a cardigan over it. 

I'm not entirely comfortable, but I'm working on it. 

And no one has stared and pointed / laughed.   

Damn you, Candy Crush

I've never done illegal drugs of any variety. 

But my guess is that Candy Crush Saga is as addictive as heroin.

Damn this little girl and her sweet tooth

Candy Crush Saga is a free game available on Facebook or iTunes and probably other places but I really don't need to know about more places to play this game, alright?  After a certain point, you can pay $0.99 to unlock more levels, or you can ask Facebook friends to help you, or you can do "quests" -- basically go back to previous levels and succeed with more challenging goals -- to unlock them.

Mechanically, it's very similar to Bejeweled.  Multiple colored items (candy / jewels) in a grid -- switch two adjacent items to form a color match of at least 3.  Special results if matching 4 or 5 items. 

Candy Crush Saga takes it one further in that it adds obstacles to the grid every 10 levels or so.  First rocks, then "jelly" squares that you have to clear, then evil-evil-evil chocolate that spreads and takes over other cells, removing items and limiting possible matches.

The game (at least the free version) only gives you 1 "life" every 30 minutes, with a max of 5 lives.  So if you are stuck on a level, you may expend all your lives, then have to wait at least 30 minutes to give it another go, or wait another 2 and a half hours to have a full 5 lives to expend on it and keep dying keep dying keep dying damn you chocolate for spreading if I'd only had a purple man I only had one square left to clear of that stupid jelly ....

Sorry, PTSD moment. 

To clear a level, you not only have to meet the objective -- these can be "clear all jelly squares" or "get 10,000 points in 60 seconds" or "drop all ingredients to the bottom of the grid" -- before your time or number of moves run out.  But you also must generate enough points to meet the minimum threshold for the level.  So the greatest indignity is "Yes!  I cleared the level on the last move!  Wait ... no no no ... I am 100 points short?!?  Oh the humanity!"

In short, I am addicted, and I might need help.  After I finally beat this one level.

Things I have yelled at the TV during Game of Thrones

Spoiler Warning.  Turn back before it's too late. 

Much as I deplore it in others, I talk back to the television. 

I try very hard not to do it when others are also watching, but sometimes I can't help myself.  It is a compulsion, and I always have a hard time ignoring those. 

We are one week away from the Season 3 finale of Game of Thrones.  Having read the books, I find myself yelling at the screen quite a bit during this show.  Most frequently "That's not what happened in the book!" -- though usually in surprise, not anger.  Like the HBO show exists only to fulfill my expectations.  (Completely rational thought, I'm sure.)

Now that I've taken up enough space on the screen to avoid feeling guilt if someone doesn't want to see spoilers, here are some things I have actually yelled at the tv during Game of Thrones over the past 3 years.

• Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark.
• Ouch, that's not gonna grow back.
• Holy <insert expletive of choice>!
• S/He totally had that coming!
• Melisandre, you do NOT get to sleep with Gendry!
• Oh Theon, you poor, stupid fool.
• Joffrey, I can not WAIT until you die horribly (at mumble spoilers mumble)!
• Don't F--k with Arya!    (mass effect 2 reference)
• Damn Lannisters!
• Whoa, those dragons sure do grow fast!
• Khaleesi, stop jerking sir Jorah around!
• Stupid Sansa -- grow a pair!
• Don't mess with Tyrion!
• Ewwwww!
• I love Jaqen!
• Arya, just stop and marry Gendry, okay?
• Oh Littlefinger, you clever jerk-face!

But the word I most often yell is NOOOOO!

Even though I know what's coming -- for the most part, since there have been small tweaks from novel to screen -- I still resist some paths on the journey of the story.  I find this amusing in some ways, like I should know better.  But perhaps it is part of human nature, some sort of feeling that even as a passive observer of a fictional universe, I should be able to affect the outcomes of events.

Yeah, I know.  I'm full of crap. :)

Yesterday I was happy

This morning I said to a friend "yesterday I was happy for the first time in about 3 months." 

2013 has been a rough year so far.

Work has been hectic.  I am juggling three client assignments right now, and am used to only one.  It's good for my career in the long-term, but in the short-term, it's been a struggle.  I'm not used to struggling at work.  I'm used to being a badass.  I have learned a lot in the process...foremost of which is I prefer being a badass to struggling.

My health has been, shall we say, less than optimal.  I've been to the doctor more so far this year than in the previous 5 years.  Short version: I have two long-term health issues.  One has been dealt with temporarily through a minor surgery.  The surgery went fine, though I was very nervous about it.  Waiting and getting my blood drawn were the hardest parts.  Now, it's a wait and see game.  The other issue I will be taking medication for the rest of my life.  Always fun.

Personal life has been ... I don't have a good adjective here.  My constant companions anxiety and depression have been seductively close to me for the past few months.  Sometimes I can see through their masks to the liars underneath, but sometimes the bed with the black satin sheets just looks so inviting that I tumble in.  And once I'm there, I don't really want to leave.  

This is just more evidence that struggling sucks.  File that under things-you-already-knew.

Anyhow, I've been thinking for a while that getting back to writing would be good for me.  I don't know how funny or sarcastic I'll be.  But I'll be me.  Whichever me I am at the moment.

Gen Con 2012

Gen Con.  The Best Four Days in Gaming.  They ain’t just whistlin’ Dixie.  J

So here is my perfunctory Gen Con post. 

Day 0 (Wednesday):

Woke up entirely too early to catch my flight.  Slept on the plane.  Arrived in Indy and took a limo to the hotel.  (They really aren’t that much more than a cab from the airport).  Ate some lunch.  Unpacked.  Gave a small tour of the area to my friend who had never been to Gen Con before.  Got my badge and tickets.  Helped my other friends set up their booth.  Waited a long time to get seated for dinner at Weber Grill, but the yummy food was yummy and we had a big group.  Went to sleep.

Day 1 (Thursday): 

Got up early to line up for early VIG access to the Dealer Hall.  Went straight to Three Geeks and aNeedle, where I bought a Tardis bag similar to the one shown below.  My most expensive purchase of the trip, and I love every fiber.  Walked around for about 20 minutes before leaving to go to my 10am game of Cthulhutech.  Still love that system, and I will run a game in it someday.  Went to an okay seminar on “Better Adventures” which mostly was stuff I knew already.  Sat down for a bit in the VIG lounge.  Went to my 4pm Game of Thrones game, which was a short adventure to familiarize one with the system.  I had never played GoT before, and I did like the system.  But really I think it was more my (and the other players’ and GM’s) enthusiasm for the series of books and shows that made me want to play.  I could see setting a campaign in that world without necessarily using that system.  Got some dinner.

It's not actually bigger on the inside.

Then enter Fiasco game #1, using the Gangster London playset at Games on Demand.  First of all, our organizer/pseudo-GM Travis was most excellent.  Second of all, we had a complete blast.  I laughed more in that 2 -2.5 hours than at any other point I’ve ever gamed, period.  Third, all of the players were first-timers who really put their all into it.  Fourth, the creator Jason Morningstar was running a game at the next table, and I still felt like our table was the best place to be – that’s saying something!  It was a blast – and as you will see I played it a bit more over the weekend. 

Afterward, I tried out some Sentinels of the Multiverse card game, which is basically comic book heroes brought to life.  It was fun, but I was tired and left about halfway through the game.

Day 2 (Friday):

Woke up and took my turn working the ENnies booth.  I think most of the traffic that came by stopped because there were two non-intimidating women at the booth who seemed friendly, but there were a couple of people genuinely interested in the nominees.  Then I played some Eclipse Phase, another system I adore.  I will run that someday too.  Afterward I went to a seminar about novel writing, which had valuable information about setting up your novel, but wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be.  Still good though.  And then it was getting ready and going to the ENnies.  It was a lot more fun after the judges’ announced their spotlight awards, because up to that point I was nervous.  Afterward, I went and played some Cards Against Humanity with a friend & his friends, then off to sleep.  Also, this was the day the Star Wars RPG was announced, and one of my friends snagged me a copy (yay!).

Day 3 (Saturday):

Woke up and spent an hour in the dealer hall before playing Giant Seafarers of Catan, during which I may have stood in line to meet Wil Wheaton.  I hadn’t ever played seafarers, and I did a bad job of selecting locations appropriately.  However, I love Catan even when I’m losing badly, so it was fun.  And the details of the Giant Tiles was great.  Then I had some lunch, talked to some friends, and went to the ENnies judges panel, which had essentially no attendees.  It was the first year to try it, and I don’t anticipate that it will ever be held again.  However, it was a nice time to chat with the other judges and gain a sense of closure on judging.  Afterward, I took a nap and then woke up to eat some dinner and then go to True Dungeon, which was awesome.  The draco-lich at the end looked like the cover of the Neverwinter Nights campaign book come to life – and the new location inside the ICC was really atmospheric.  Then played game #2 of Fiasco with friends, using the Vegas playset.  It was a late night!

Day 4 (Sunday):

Slept in.  Packed up, checked out of hotel.  Went to Games on Demand.  Thought about playing Hollowpoint, but ended up playing game #3 of Fiasco, using “At Regina’s Wedding” playset.  The first game was still the best, but I had fun all three times.  Afterward, spent a bit more time in the dealer hall, made a couple of purchases (fate dice, Dragon Age Set 1, an Eclipse Phase dice bag, and some normal dice – nothing too crazy or spendy).  Then it was lunch/dinner at the Ram – yum – and then off to catch the plane home.

I spent most of Monday asleep, which was lovely. And now back to reality.  :(

Ennies judge, part 4 (finale)

My responsibilities for the 2012 ENnies have concluded.  The ceremony happened on Friday, 8/17.  Congratulations to ALL the winners – you can find the complete list here:  2012 ENnie award winners

Being a part of this process was very rewarding, to say the least.  Attending the ceremony as a judge felt great.  I was genuinely thrilled for all the winners, and not knowing which products won before-hand made for a very exciting evening.

Among the winners, I was probably *most* excited for Gaming As Women,Masks: 1,000 Memorable NPCs for Any Roleplaying Game, and Stealing Cthulhu.  Gaming as Women is a blog written by a collection of women about their experiences, good and bad, in the gamer community.  Though I can’t relate to everything they post, I am happy in the knowledge that there is a place to discuss any issues openly and honestly.  Masks is a product I will be using for the rest of my gaming career.  It is full of rich NPCs that would add depth to any encounter, session or campaign in any system.  And Stealing Cthulhu provides new ways to incorporate Cthulhu into your campaigns.  They are all worthy of their wins. 

Now, to highlight a few other products.

As a judge, I was given the privilege of awarding a Judge’s Spotlight ENnie award.  My choice is Edge by Outrider Studios:  http://www.edgerpg.com/. 

 

[gush/]  I absolutely, positively love the world that was created for Edge.  There are beings with preternatural powers that humans call “angels” and “demons,” though they are not exactly as we think of them here on Earth.  These angels and demons exert power and influence over humans, and they are diametrically opposed to one another – and compelled to destroy their counterparts.  This leads to conflict, and occasionally full-scale war.  There are Edgemasters, who are magically powerful warriors, Dreamweavers, who are able to bring ideas to life, and Chosen, who are soldiers bound to Angels or Demons.  The game uses the Rapidfire system, which encourages quick combat and more roleplaying. 

On another level, as much as I love-love-love this game, I want to point out that it treats women very well.  What do I mean by that?  Looking through the book, there is very little exploitative art (ie, women are fully clothed, and there is little cleavage to be found).  There are two badass characters in the historical timeline, Rowan (a man) and Camille (a woman).  It is a welcome change. 

I can’t wait to get this on the table.  You can purchase Edge here:  http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product/93185/Edge-Role-Playing-Game.

And if you prefer Sci-Fi to fantasy, I would recommend taking a look at Remnants, also by Outrider studio. http://rpg.drivethrustuff.com/product/93184/Remnants-Role-Playing-Game  [/gush]

There are also some products that I would have loved to have seen nominated but didn’t quite make the cut (there was some fierce competition!).

The Faerie Ring:  Red Jack – this is a very clever little supplement for Pathfinder.  It is the second installment of six in Along the Twisting Way, and provides a rich backstory for an adversary that could pop up in any campaign.  I will be searching out the other five installments.  http://zombieskypress.com/pathfinder/the-faerie-ring-red-jack/

Assassin’s Amulet – another fantastic supplement for Pathfinder.  This is an incredibly rich source of information about assassins that could be incorporated into any campaign.  And there is a free sample available online:  http://www.rpgnow.com/product/96557/Assassin%27s-Amulet---Free-Sample.  It’s worth your time!

All in all, I was very excited for all the nominees, and happy for the winners as well.  Though I may have my personal preferences, I felt very proud at the ENnies ceremony about the high standard of quality in roleplaying games over the last year.  Can’t wait to see what next year holds!