Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Damn you, Candy Crush

I've never done illegal drugs of any variety. 

But my guess is that Candy Crush Saga is as addictive as heroin.

Damn this little girl and her sweet tooth

Candy Crush Saga is a free game available on Facebook or iTunes and probably other places but I really don't need to know about more places to play this game, alright?  After a certain point, you can pay $0.99 to unlock more levels, or you can ask Facebook friends to help you, or you can do "quests" -- basically go back to previous levels and succeed with more challenging goals -- to unlock them.

Mechanically, it's very similar to Bejeweled.  Multiple colored items (candy / jewels) in a grid -- switch two adjacent items to form a color match of at least 3.  Special results if matching 4 or 5 items. 

Candy Crush Saga takes it one further in that it adds obstacles to the grid every 10 levels or so.  First rocks, then "jelly" squares that you have to clear, then evil-evil-evil chocolate that spreads and takes over other cells, removing items and limiting possible matches.

The game (at least the free version) only gives you 1 "life" every 30 minutes, with a max of 5 lives.  So if you are stuck on a level, you may expend all your lives, then have to wait at least 30 minutes to give it another go, or wait another 2 and a half hours to have a full 5 lives to expend on it and keep dying keep dying keep dying damn you chocolate for spreading if I'd only had a purple man I only had one square left to clear of that stupid jelly ....

Sorry, PTSD moment. 

To clear a level, you not only have to meet the objective -- these can be "clear all jelly squares" or "get 10,000 points in 60 seconds" or "drop all ingredients to the bottom of the grid" -- before your time or number of moves run out.  But you also must generate enough points to meet the minimum threshold for the level.  So the greatest indignity is "Yes!  I cleared the level on the last move!  Wait ... no no no ... I am 100 points short?!?  Oh the humanity!"

In short, I am addicted, and I might need help.  After I finally beat this one level.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Things I have yelled at the TV during Game of Thrones

Spoiler Warning.  Turn back before it's too late. 

Much as I deplore it in others, I talk back to the television. 

I try very hard not to do it when others are also watching, but sometimes I can't help myself.  It is a compulsion, and I always have a hard time ignoring those. 

We are one week away from the Season 3 finale of Game of Thrones.  Having read the books, I find myself yelling at the screen quite a bit during this show.  Most frequently "That's not what happened in the book!" -- though usually in surprise, not anger.  Like the HBO show exists only to fulfill my expectations.  (Completely rational thought, I'm sure.)

Now that I've taken up enough space on the screen to avoid feeling guilt if someone doesn't want to see spoilers, here are some things I have actually yelled at the tv during Game of Thrones over the past 3 years.

  • Ouch, that's gonna leave a mark.
  • Ouch, that's not gonna grow back.
  • Holy <insert expletive of choice>!
  • S/He totally had that coming!
  • Melisandre, you do NOT get to sleep with Gendry!
  • Oh Theon, you poor, stupid fool.
  • Joffrey, I can not WAIT until you die horribly (at mumble spoilers mumble)!
  • Don't F--k with Arya!    (mass effect 2 reference)
  • Damn Lannisters!
  • Whoa, those dragons sure do grow fast!
  • Khaleesi, stop jerking sir Jorah around!
  • Stupid Sansa -- grow a pair!
  • Don't mess with Tyrion!
  • Ewwwww!
  • I love Jaqen!
  • Arya, just stop and marry Gendry, okay?
  • Oh Littlefinger, you clever jerk-face!

But the word I most often yell is NOOOOO!

Even though I know what's coming -- for the most part, since there have been small tweaks from novel to screen -- I still resist some paths on the journey of the story.  I find this amusing in some ways, like I should know better.  But perhaps it is part of human nature, some sort of feeling that even as a passive observer of a fictional universe, I should be able to affect the outcomes of events.

Yeah, I know.  I'm full of crap. :)