On Being a Grown Up

I'm in my mid thirties, and I can say with confidence that I do not feel like a grown up.

Yes, I am responsible.  Almost to a ridiculous degree at work and throughout much of my personal life.  But I'm not perfect.

For example, I missed a mortgage payment (cringe) because I could have SWORN I enrolled in auto-payments.  But I didn't.  One $30 late fee and wishful thinking no impact to my credit report, let's hope I learned my lesson.

My mother had me when she was 30, and my father was 33.  They already had an 8-year old.  I never once remember thinking "oh, they have no clue what they are doing."  And though my father has a very strong personality, I'm sure there were moments when even he didn't feel like an adult.  Possibly during our Friday night trips to Taco Bell and Winchell's Donuts.

I know that life is supposed to be challenging.  I just wish I didn't feel so much of the time that I wasn't up to the challenge.

I want to sell my house.  I really do.  Yet it's an unmitigated disaster, and I just couldn't care less about changing that.  I know it won't change unless I change it .... but I seem to act as though magic fairies are going to do that for me.

My cousin is 30 and unemployed.  He is looking for work, but really discouraged.  And he's my roommate.  And I don't know how to make his life easier.

One of my best friends' marriage is falling apart.  They are about to go to counselling, and I hope it works out.  But I don't know how to make her life easier.

Someone I love is in the hospital, recovering from a serious illness.  And I don't know how to make his life easier.

... I don't know how to make anyone's life easier, let alone my own.

I feel like I'm supposed to have all my shit together.  And instead it feels like the world is falling apart beneath me.

I really thought that by the time I reached this point in my life, I would have a handle on things.  And granted, I do in some areas of life.  But sometimes I think that those are the areas of life I care least about.  Will I really look back in 50 years and think I should have spent more time at work?  Probably not.  Though spending more time at work now may help me have those thoughts from a beach-front home.

Hot for Tesla

Obligatory yeah I haven't posted in a while and really thought I might never post again but what the hell let's do this comment.


I have the hots for Tesla.  Not the band or the inventor (though he's pretty cool), but the car company.

Hello, Lover

America has generated some boutique car manufacturers over the years, but it's been many decades since a fully-fledged automobile company has successfully started here.  That's where Tesla comes in.

Firstly, I think Elon Musk is one of the brightest people living today.  Made a fortune in Silicon Valley, decided to start a car company and a commercial space transport company.  What's not to like here?

But back to the cars ... this is quite simply proof that electric cars can be sexy.  This, people, is how you get consumers to want to buy electric cars.  Sex them up.  I mean, who wouldn't want that in their driveway? 

Yeah, they have limited ranges (a few hundred miles per charge) and are a bit pricy ($100k) ... but they are taking the car industry by storm.  And if you have that kind of money to spend on a car, you likely have enough to afford two cars -- making the Tesla great for in-city driving, while still having another vehicle for long trips.

Plus, Tesla is building a solar-powered charging station network across the US -- which Musk pointed out would mean the cars would still work in the event of a zombie apocalypse.  

If I had $100,000 to spend on a car, this is the point at which I'd say "shut up and take my money."  But I don't.  So instead I will look at pictures and drool.